Having the misfortune of being allocated a waiter who’s just been dumped, given the table closest to the bog, straight-up idiotic ordering or offensively expensive wine can all result in one leaving a restaurant itching for a bitching – despite all the hype.

This is hospitality – every day there is a well-stocked tombola of possible meltdowns but it’s not rocket science, it’s much harder.

I understand all this, of course. I’ve seen and heard a lot. However, I feel I have given The Plimsoll, in Finsbury Park, one too many chances and I’m done. I’ve tried many times but for all the praise it receives I feel it is a strong contender for London’s most inhospitable pub, languishing complacently in its ability to kick out a decent burger. Aren’t pubs meant to be welcoming?

‘Open from 12 pm on a Saturday’, I call to check but no answer, their Instagram has live Stories so I assume it’s business as usual. I make the 30-minute drive, park outside and join the handful of bemused loiterers peering through the windows at 12:30 pm – no signs of life. Walking back to my car confused, someone emerges, ‘You wanted to come in?’ Well yeah. ‘We have a plumbing issue so we won’t open for ages and the kitchen doesn’t open on match days anyway’ – delivered in a tone of disbelief that I didn’t already know…my reply of ‘How would I have known that?’ gets deferred by a shrug.

Dear The Plimsoll, I’m down to be proven wrong – I really am – but this was my fourth encounter with a customer service approach seemingly designed to piss people off.

Yearning for something similar we called up The Parakeet, the relatively new ‘pub’ in Kentish Town that many are raving about. They could squeeze us in if we got to them in 15 – brilliant.

It’s a stunning pub – wood panelling bought on eBay creates a dramatic courtroom chic and giant south-facing windows give way to Hollywood film set warm white beams lighting up the tables. They’re friendly, they take our coats – a novelty – and even at an early lunchtime it’s packed.

Unrequested kiwi-sized olive suggests that the food here might be really, really good. The menu gives Tomos Parry vibes and a quick Google confirms that – yep – Head Chef Ben Allen and Sous Ed Jennings are former integral cogs at Brat. By no means is this menu a Brat tribute act, but there’s a real emphasis on seasonal produce, which many preach but few actually practice, a hero fish dish, alternative meats and prominent interesting veg dishes – you’ll see what I mean.

Wow, £5/6 snack dishes are filling but perhaps the most tasty menu items. The mutton sausage served with wholegrain mustard oozes juiciness like the Kasekrainers I know from Vienna, the delicate tempura cod cheeks are complimented by a buttery aioli and the perfectly charred potato bread with light freshly whipped butter create vast smiles. A decent meal in itself for £16, but we had more to come. A lot more.

The braised leeks were satisfying, although I did find myself rooting around for the softer parts, avoiding the harder, less cooked chunks. Tokyo turnips, tamarind, radish and fire-grilled clementine whispered ‘spring is here’ into my ear – conveniently on the first day of the year that actually felt that way.

At Michelin-starred Brat, whole Turbot is the signature dish (charged at the price of a T-bone steak). I guess Ben admires that model as Parakeet’s star dish is whole sea bream with piperade complete with a side of pink fir potatoes. It’s deboned, grilled over fire and filleted at the table by our brilliant server, Adam, and at £54, it would share perfectly between three or four.

Listen, this isn’t pub food. Despite dessert being a familiar ‘spotted dick’, it was served with rye custard for god’s sake. Typically, I avoid talking about a chef’s career when discussing their food, as chefs often learn more about what they don’t want to cook rather than what they do from previous employers. However, I feel Chef Ben enjoyed his Brat education, creating a menu, individual to him, that can juuussst about pass as ‘pub food’ but has the ability to excite even the most discerning, well-versed foodie.

Our bill came to £168 – a lot for a lunch for two – but it would’ve comfortably fed three and admittedly we were upsold very decent wine. Fantastically warm, knowledgeable and attentive service, I’d say book without hesitation. Value for money is good, Guinness at £5.80 is below market value.

I imagine Ben’s roasts are hard to book and hard to beat in the local area, but I’ll be there for one very soon. What a great example of how to do hospitality well – good job The Plimsoll had plumbing issues…