It is not hard to imagine that to become better at any social or cultural interaction one must first admit that individual desires are not only unwanted but uninclusive, unnecessary and impossible. To behave is to behave in company,  so here I offer some suggestions which I have accrued over years of drinking and eating across Europe. These are not just toward individual behaviour, but towards a social contract for dining between all those around the table and in the restaurant. Here are your Ten Commandments for dining.

1) Do not assume you know anything at all. Simply be curious and, if intelligence permits you, retain that childlike awe for new things and new company. Inquire if you do not understand, do not dismiss. Ignorance is a sin, but pretentiousness is far worse.

2) Order as if you are happy to be alive. Do not assume through cynicism that the place you are eating at is out to swindle you of your petty change. Drink, twice, before the food arrives. Eat until you feel it. Order more after that. Take your time. Order pudding and drink a digestif to help it down.

3) Do not be a miser. Pay for your friend’s meal. Don’t split the bill. Your friend can pay next time. Spend all the money you have on your loved ones and friends and what you don’t have on another bottle of wine. There are no pockets on the death robe. When the bill arrives, pay it discreetly and with grace, never quibble. If you think, or know, it was too expensive, do not go back. It is never a good look to quarrel over a few pounds. And, please, leave a tip, really.

4) Learn about food and wine. Cook, drink and eat to excess. This is the only way to know what is good and what you like. Once you have done this, you can converse with your waiter with confidence and you will enjoy it all the more – life that is.

5) A booking is a social contract. It is a commitment. You must fight for a society which still has the honour of its word and that shows duty to one another. We must not allow apps and hype to ruin our social fabric. If you book a table, turn up. Even if your friend is sick, go and eat for two. Gastroenteritis is one of the only genuinely good excuses to cancel a table. If you do so, come by when you are feeling better with a bottle of good champagne and apologize to the restaurant. This would be an extremely chic thing to do.

6) The more you visit the same restaurant, the better it gets – if the restaurant is good. Soon you will be drinking for free and smoking cigarettes with the staff. This is the only way to a restaurant’s heart.

7) Always finish your plate if the food is good. If not, it is wasteful. And use your hands to eat around the bones.

8) When asked ‘Would you like a drink?’, do not say ‘I’m not sure’ and ask the waiter to come back. Just order a martini while you think and then order and enjoy wine by the bottle.

9) Dress for lunch or dinner. Do not arrive at a restaurant in something designed for a gymnasium. At the very least wear your nicest shirt, blouse, dress etc. Dress for your companion, for the cooks, the waiters, for the joy of living.

10) If you have never served anyone, never sweated, scrubbed toilets, dishes and pans, never had burns and cuts and blisters and sore legs, never been ignored, insulted and accused in one night, then you probably don’t know what you are talking about. So, leave the work to the big boys, sit down and count your lucky stars that you are the one eating out and not washing the dishes.